she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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