Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize