I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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