Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
