so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
