Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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