So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
