I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
