I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think people are normalizing furries
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
