forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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