I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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