Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
