Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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