you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
