I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
