I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
