I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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