can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
