this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize