I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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