I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
