Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
