You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I will pee on everything he values.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
