Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
