I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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