Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
