I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
