Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.

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(917): View more from New York City

My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.

(320): View more from Minnesota

Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.

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(917): View more from New York City

I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.

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(917): View more from New York City

He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.

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(620): View more from Kansas

I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos

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