We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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