I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
