i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
