Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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