Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
