If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
