he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
