she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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