I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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