My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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