dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
