matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
