you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
