I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
