well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
