considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
