And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
