I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
