I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Barsexuality is the new black.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
