Need sex. Gaining weight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
