what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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