Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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