I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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