Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
