the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
