She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
