So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
