I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
