I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
