Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize