So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
