I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
