Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
