11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize