I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
