Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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