you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
