I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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