Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
