I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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