I wanna bring you to show and tell
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
