i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
