Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
