Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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