Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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