I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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