we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
