She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
