I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
