She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
