spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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