you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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