you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
