It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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