Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
