tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
