on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
