you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
