I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize