its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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