YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
