do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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