I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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